he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
Randomize