I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Randomize
