Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
Randomize
