So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
whoever created level 16 on brickbreaker is a dick
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
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