Only a mothe r could love this liver
I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
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