I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
You brought string cheese to the strip club
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
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