Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
Quick, to the slutcave!
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
Randomize
