it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
Canada is now making docos about life in America. Its called Trailer Park Boys.
Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
Randomize
