well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
Randomize
