Got a toothbrush?
I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
jump out the window naked night went bad
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
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