I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
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