census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
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