Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
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