My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think weed is turning my hair brown
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
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