if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize
