If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
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