i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
Randomize
