sooooo how many boyfriends is too many?
I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
Rumble strips road head = magical
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
Randomize
