Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
Randomize
