Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
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