I painted my nails silver
And what are the implications of that?
Is there supposed to be a msg in that? Just thought ud like to know it looks like I fingerbanged an alien
At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
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