i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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