The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
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