a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
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