May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
Randomize
