nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
Randomize
