At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
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