Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
pedialite and red bull = repair kit
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
The power of my boobs compel you
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
Randomize
