I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
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