so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
Randomize
