Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
Randomize
