My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
oh well at that point I was already depressed with life because I had watched the bratz movie.
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
I love how my cats smell like pot.
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
Randomize
