so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
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