i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
Randomize
