So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
we're so committed to being not committed
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
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