Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
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