Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
Randomize