Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
Randomize
