I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
I need to wash the frat house off of me
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
Randomize
