It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
Randomize
