New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
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I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
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