i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
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