Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
Randomize
