Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
Randomize
