She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
Randomize
