Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
I am mentally ready for anal.
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