it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
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I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
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My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
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