I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
Randomize
