How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
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Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
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He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts