Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
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