well, if it gives you any insight into how crazy it was, i am currently wikipediaing "anullment"
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
Randomize
