Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
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