My liver just broke up with me...
I need a man. I think Im going to put myself on Craigs list since they caught the killer and all.
Do it and if you add naked pictures youll get an instant reply
Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
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