Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
Randomize
