Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
Randomize
