I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
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