I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
i was rollin on her like bob the builder
Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
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