I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
Randomize
