Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
What changed your mind?
Being sober
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
Randomize
