Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
Randomize
