No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
Randomize