there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
Randomize
