Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
Randomize