we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
Randomize
