You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
Randomize
