Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
Randomize
