My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
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