And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
Why is your signature on my underwear?
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
Randomize
