dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
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