i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
Randomize
